Alcohol: The Solution to Life's Problems Pt.2

So Saturday has rolled around and I swear I've still got vodka in my system from thursday. I'm thinking tonight is gonna have to be a beer night. I haven't had a night of just beer drinking in easily 6 months so it's gonna be some relief on my body as the old familiar taints my blood. I've been drinking mainly tequila and whatever other crap I figure is safe to drink, so pretty much everything up to but not including turpentine. Beer to me is like a cleanse of the soul, once in the system it'll start raining Irish Confetti down on any other liquor that happens to be there. So it's good for me, like milk is good for you. The plans for tonight is some house party that is being put on by someone that was at Jessies party last weekend. They apparently had a good time with us and figure that we're the good time party people that everyone needs to liven up their parties if it's lookin' like it's gonna be lame. Who they are I don't know but Kevin seems to be in tight with them so he passed on the invitation to Jessie and the rest of us. I'm pretty sure we got an invite from Francine as I think she knows one of them from work but I think we're gonna play it from Kevins end. I'm still messed up from what's going on with my other but at least I know where I stand so I guess that leaves things up to her. I'm gonna try and piece this one together so here we go. I'm sure that some things will be left out and that it might not all be chronological.

The Players:

Pat
Bryan
Smith
Jessie
Pannich
Marco
Chimko
Burger

Supporting Players:

Brenna
Lindsey
Francine
Sabrina
Oksana
Babbs
Erin
and a bunch of people I don't know


Location: The Fortress
Time: 7 or 8 ish?

Well this night would start off with some pre-drinking at Jessies as we figure it's best to show up at a party half cut that way if it's no good sober it won't be too bad half drunk. We had also caught word that the party was looking to be a bust so we were waiting for a phone call from a scout we had sent in to check it out. While relaxing at Jessies some of us played pool, some poker, and others took turns hacking zombies to pieces with whatever they could find on the 360 game Dead Rising. Bryan brought a case of beer that a few of us dabbled in while the others drank their variety of whiskey's, Chimko showed up late but did a fine job of catching up as he pounded back a 12 pack of Rickards variety. Once we got the call from our sacrifice we knew the party was lame and called our cabs, 2 cars for what we thought were 8 occupants but turned out to be 7 as Burger lamed out so he could drive his girlfriend somewhere or something like that. So everyone slammed back whatever drink they had left and we all headed out.

Location: Cabbin' it
Time: Don't know

So as we pile into our respective cabs (Bryan, Jessie, and myself in one and Smith, Marco, Chimko, Pannich in another) we realized that considering the amount of drinking we did and planned on doing a good number of us had driven to the pre-drinking location. Which would end up causing me to do a bit of walking in the wee hours of the morning. So as we headed to Whyte it became apparent that all the yahoo's were in the other cab as we could hear them yelling at everyone and everything that wasn't inside of their cab. We used the trip to ogle a group of girls in a cab that was generally heading in the same directions as ourselves, except of course when we'd pass or stop beside the other boys, when that would happen we yell obscenities and challenge them to fights. Some of the looks on faces of other people stopped at the same light were priceless as I assume they thought we were serious. At one point on Jasper we could hear the echos of someone yelling at a man and what I assume was his wife that were walking, all the other pedestrians and people in their cars were looking to see who it was. Turns out it was Chimko and Marco. When our trip across the river ended our cab came in first with a last minute lane change to over take cab number 2. The cabbies stopped on the corner of Whyte and 103st which is where they set us loose.

Location: Stolli's
Time: Highball Specials

So once again our first stop on the tour is Stolli's for the highball special. It's not as special as it is on thursday but it's a special nontheless. Now at the begining of the day I had the plan to drink only beer and this is where I strayed from that plan as once again I dabbled in the cheap vodka highballs. Everyone had their share as we stayed there until 10 when the special ended. Something I feel is worth mentioning is the return of Black Peter, though we found him in the strangest place. After we left Stolli's I got a call from Lindsey who was with Fran and Brenna they wanted to know when we were gonna get to the party, I told her the news and I figured we had heard the last from them for the night.

Location: Wooly Bully's
Time: bit after 10

As we headed east on Whyte our group split up as everyone but Smith, Jessie and myself headed to the Iron Horse to meet up with some girls that they met at a house party the night before. The three of us that didn't go to i-ho went to Wooly's where not much was happening, we did a quick check around the bar for anything good and I used the opportunity to use a Black Peter free washroom. After the walkabout we decided the place was dead so we headed out and back down to the main strip.

Location: Hudson's
Time: few minutes after Wooly's

The line outside Hudson's was ridiculously long as it usually is on a saturday night but fortunately for us the bouncers are very courteous to employees of the city and new transfers from Fort McMurray. Now for me I think this may have been where booze kicked in all at once cause things kind of got spun around for me. Once inside we went on our usual scavanger hunt and I remember getting another call from Lindsey. While talking to her I had to hang up because I think someone in the bar started fighting cause someone crashed into me so I pushed them back and then the bouncer started crowding me. Right after that I remember seeing Jessie and Smith heading out so I ducked away from the bouncer and headed out after them.

Location: Iron Horse
Time: 11

So after checking out a few other bars with a smaller crowd we decided to join up with the rest of the group as word had it they were drinking with a bunch of young chicks. I don't remember there being a line to get in the i-ho cause I think I would have been vocal about the fact that I don't like waiting in big lines. Oh wait I remember that there was a small lime of about 4 or 5 people in front of us and a group of girls behind us. I recall laughing at the girls behind us cause I think one of them said they were from Saskatchewan. Either way we were in pretty quick. Unfortunately for us though the girl collecting the cover fee was not as courteous to city employees and new transfers from Fort McMurray as the bouncers at Hudson's were. So after $5 we were in.

Trying to find everyone inside wasn't as hard as you'd think cause you just had to find the largest group that was making the most noise and with Chimko and Marco drinking that was pretty easy. We headed to the bar to grab some drinks and of course I had to get back on my game plan so I grabbed an MGD. We met up with a few of the guys upstairs and most seemed a bit tipsy but Chimko stood out the most as he was wearing Bryans blue hoody and going around saying that he was in fact Bryan. After visiting the various groups that everyone had broken into and the people they had gone there to meet I happened to bump into a few familiar faces from a past employment. I can't remember when Oksana had quit working at the Navy but I do remember a long talk I had with her and Daria about how garbage the place was and all the crap they expected us to do that wasn't within regulations. I've read the Gap Code books and I know the loop holes so despite what you current drones think, you are getting cheated...yeah you too Beanie. Anyways the best part of my lecture to them was that not only was it all about how they should quit but that it was during our shift and we were standing on the middle of the sales floor not helping the customers. On a fun fact I'll just state that within 3 months of my lecture both of them had quit. So lets skip a year or two up memory lane and we'll be back at the i-ho. After a bit of catching up it turns out that Oksana is there with her sister and some friends, one of them happened to know someone who knows Marco. As it turns out that someone who knows Marco was at the house party that Marco, Bryan, Jessie, and Pannich went to. Now from what I heard both Pannich and Jessie bitched out early from that party cause they said that there was no good looking chicks and that most of them looked like they were 12. Well surprise surprise, the next day most of the girls that were at that party are at the bar and those 2 were all over it, looks like they missed out on an easy setup. Bryan who stayed at the party had a bit more success with the 17yr old with the fake i.d. but a word to the wise (whatever that actually means) don't go filling a petite underage girl with alcohol cause she'll eventually just stop functioning, and she did.

Now before I go into the next bit I'm gonna have to referance my previous post (Alcohol: The Cause of Life's Problems) for a bit of foreshadowing. A few paragraphs down I mention that Pannich called and expressed his interest to go out and drink but because we left early he wasn't able to make it out. Now we didn't think much of it at the time cause Pannich doesn't usually drink as much as us when we got out and get shamangled. Something else to note is that before we left for Whyte earlier and we were all slamming back our drinks, Pannich was slamming back a couple rye and cokes, so that was also something that should have clued us in as to what his goal was this night. So keeping the previously mentioned facts in mind it shouldn't have been a surprise when I came down the death trap stair case to hear Pannich yell from by the bar "You're my boy Pat!" and order up a round of Jager Bombs for a few of us by the bar. This is something he did a number of times for a number of people and I can actually say that he was right fucked by the end of it. I'd say he was so messed that you could actually coin a term from it.

For example:

Man 1 "dude I got so drunk last night"

Man 2 "did you get drunk or did you get drunk drunk"

Man 1 "dude, I got fuckin' Pannich drunk"

So after a few rounds from him and a few reciprocating rounds from the rest of us I'd say that everyone in our group was pretty much over the legal limit. Now we weren't all "Pannich drunk" but we were over the legal limit. Around this time I think Oksana found me again and she had some other Navies in tow, Sabrina who was a tad young to be there and somewhere in the bar was Jessies friend Erin and Babbs. After a bit of talking and maybe a drink they went to dance and I went back to the drinking.

Something that had been going on for the majority of the night was some texting between me and Lindsey. Now I'm open for a bit of texting but given my current realtionship woes I would have rather have been texting my girl and it made me question why she wasn't the one texting me. Knowing that she had been the one who decided to take a "break" she laid down her expectations of it so it was a sobering surprise as she showed up with Lindsey and Brenna. Needless to say it I didn't want her there cause she apparently needed some time apart from me and now she shows up at a bar they know I'm in with my friends. It was uncomfortable and I did the best I could to avoid saying something offensive to her by simply not talking to her. So the next thing I did was order another drink. While waiting at the bar Bryan came up with the previously mentioned young girl he was working and wanted me to order up some shots for us. We of course would shoot tequila and we ordered a golf cart for the young'un. So after Bryan paid for their shots and Chimko and I picked up the remainder we were good to go. The only problem was that the girl who obviously had too much to drink had disappeared. Bryan told us to wait while he went and got her. After about 15min, I shit you not, Bryan still hadn't come back and people were starting to get mad at the fact that we were taking up valuable bar room. So we did what we had to a downed the shots ourselves. After that I took a walk around while Chimko headed upstairs.

After scoping out the downstairs I figured that most of our drinkers that weren't on the dance floor were upstairs so I followed the pack. On the way up I came across Bryan who was ready to do the shots we had ordered over a half hour before. After I finally convinced him that we had already drank them cause they had taken so long he seemed pretty deflated. Once I got upstairs everyone was pretty easy to find as they were either sitting at the tables or standing by the bar. I talked with a few of them and ordered an MGD from the bar for Bryan and headed back down to find him. Once I delivered the beer I bought him in return for the shots he unintentionally had bought us earlier he seemed to liven up again. I then treked back up the stairs to join the others. I sat at the table Jessie was at with his friend Erin and her friend whose name I didn't ask for. Sometime while sitting there Smith came to me and said that he doesn't like Jessies friend cause she did something that offended him and that from then on he would refer to her as "Fat Bitch".

I got up from that table as the convo was boring to a terrible degree and went to the bar for another beer. Once at the bar some of the guys were waiting to do a shot, they told me to join in so I did. None of us paid so I'm not sure exactly who did but I remember there was one extra so some random guy drank it with us. While standing at the bar I saw Chimko sitting at a table with 3 other guys that sort of had him blocked in and he didn't look like he wanted to be there. I went up to the table and asked him what was up and he gave me a look that I instantly translated as were gonna fuck these guys up. While standing there eyeballin' this guys friends up a girl that claimed to be his sister came up to me and told me that they're just talking and that they don't want to fight. I think she just wanted to put her hand on my back so I put mine on hers and said "yeah, ok" then I turned around and yelled out "Bryan, Marco, Smith!". From different areas of the bar the three of them all came over and stood beside me. I think by us standing there those nerdy looking guys realized that even if it was an evenly sided fight they would have got messed. So they pretty much left it at whatever they were talking about and got up and went downstairs. With a table just freed up we sat down and enjoyed our beers. I basiclly sat there for awhile and enjoyed the beer, the company, and the company of my beer.

The night was somewhat wrapping up when I got a call from Chimko, I couldn't hear much but I could make out the words "I'm scrapping". Immediately I hopped over the table and headed downstairs not sure if anyone else was following me. I see a crowd by the exit that had a few bouncers in it so I pushed my way through to find Chimko outside by the fence with his shirt torn around the neck talking to some guy that was telling me he got jumped by four guys. As we're standing there I see that Smith had followed me right out the door and was listening with me as Chimko told us what happened. As he was explaining everything one of the guys that had jumped him came outside, turns out it was the same guys as before. So the guys standing there and he puts a cigarette in his mouths but before he lights it Chimko smacks it out of his mouth. The guy then picks it up and puts it back in his mouth only to have to it smacked out again. Once more the guy picks it up and puts it in his mouth but Chimkos attention has already turned to one of the other guys from before that he knows took a shot at him. So as the guys walking away Chimko walks up to him and punches him in the side of the face. The slap of his fist hitting the guys face was what I remembered most but before anything else could happen the bouncers were going after Chimko. Before they got to him I saw the cops coming around the corner so I grabbed Chimko around the shoulders and the bouncers grabbed me and while this was happening I kept saying that it was self defense and Chimko was saying that the guy hit him first. I think the bouncers thought I was trying to fight Chimko because they kept trying to pull me off him while I was trying to pull him away from the police. I think once the bouncer realized he wasn't going to be able to make me let go of Chimko he let go of me and I told the cops that we were leaving and I was taking him home. The cops gave us their usual spiel but we just kept walking.

Location: Squires
Time: almost closing

So as the three of us (Smith, Chimko, and myself) stood outside Squires waiting for whoever else that had left the Ironhorse to catch up we joked and laughed about what had happened. The first of the group to arrive was Marco so him Smith, and Chimko decided to go inside while I waited for Jessie and Bryan who were on their way. Once they arrived at where I was I explained what had happened and right when we were about to go in we heard someone yelling at us. When we looked over we saw Pannich, who was Pannich drunk, hanging out the side of Lindsey's car. Lindsey got out and told us she had room for two more and that we had to go now. I didn't want to leave the guys inside so I said I'd stay but Lindsey yelled at me and demanded I get in the car. I assumed it had something to do with Francine. So because we didn't want to leave any of us that were standing outside Squires we all packed into Lindsey's car. Jessie sat in the middle up front on the middle console while Bryan and myself crammed in the back with Francine and Brenna. It was pretty much an uncomfortable ride home but it was probably best that we left when we did.

One problem that I had noticed earlier was that alot of us had driven to Jessie's house. I myself had driven and planned on using the garage door opener as my key. Now for some reason everyone thinks that they can judge my alcohol intake better than myself so Lindsey got into this big thing about wanting my keys. Of course I'm not going to give her my keys, I'm not going to give anyone my keys, even if I don't plan on driving I'm not going to give someone my keys. So after this big thing I tell her I left my keys at Jessie's cause I didn't want to carry them all night. Not true though cause my keys are in my pocket and they have been all night. So they drop me off at home and I try all the doors and of course they're locked. I climb onto the deck and for some reason it's also locked. My last chance at getting in is my sis so I try calling her twice but no luck as she doesn't pick up. Only thing left for me to do is walk to Jessie's and get my garage door opener which is obviously in my car. During the long walk I have an upsetting conversation with Francine which doesn't end very well. Once I get to the Fortress of Solitude I see that Lindsey and Jessie are sitting in her car on the driveway, obviously waiting for me as I said if they didn't drop me off at my car I would walk over and get it. So after about 10min of waiting for him to get out and for her to leave, they did something strange. They both got out and went into his house. Now I was so close I'm surprised they didn't hear me say "what the fuck?" in a very puzzled tone. So I sort of just smirked at the fact that they went inside to fool around or just straight-up have sex. So as I drove home it was something I clearly stored in my memory as something to question them both about.

So what did we learn about this evening?

1. It is possible to get to a drunken state referred to as "Pannich Drunk".

2. Don't ask for my car keys cause I'm not going to give them to you.

3. Lindsey and Jessie had sex....with each other.